Out of the Mouths, or the Other End, of Babes

Ah, three-year-olds. They are endlessly entertaining. And frustrating and embarrassing. My girl looks like a little angel, but I swear horn nubs must be lurking underneath her curls.

In church on Sunday (why is it always church?), she had another great moment. It was during the sacrament portion of our meeting, the time when everyone is supposed to be the most reverent, contemplative and spiritual. I found all thoughts I was supposed to be having pushed right out my brain by my three-year-old.

She was over on my hubby’s lap when all of the sudden she yelled out, “I farted!” (A big thank you to her twelve-year-old brother for teaching her about farts instead of toots I as I refer to them.) She kept yelling out, “I farted, I farted!” She probably said it about twenty times, and each time got louder and more insistent than the last. The family behind us started to smirk. A couple of empty nesters were just behind them, and the husband started cracking up.

My face was beet red. I was doing my best not to react, but I started to silently giggle. My girls were trying hard not to laugh, but they weren’t succeeding either. My husband finally took her out and we tried to get back to the spirit we were supposed to have, but failed. Every time I managed to wipe the grin off my face, I’d hear a sing-song voice say in my head, “I farted!” and the smiles would begin again.

When we got home from church, I told three-year-old that it wasn’t polite to toot in public. Her response, “But it’s OK to fart, right?” Oh dear.

After I had explained those were the exact same thing and that toot was a nicer word, she said, “But I like to fart, uh, toot.” So, I explained that we should try not to, but if we do, we shouldn’t tell everyone else about it.

girl farting

She said, “But I like to tell people. Because then they know it might be stinky and they can run away.” I certainly wanted to run away. I don’t think I’ve convinced my girl it isn’t good manners to, ahem, toot your own horn and then trumpet about it in public. Apologies in advance. We’ll keep trying!

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